Issue 69 | How do I choose the unexpected?
Guest Editor Nicole Cruz, life coach for first and second generation immigrants
This week we welcome life coach Nicole Cruz as our Guest Editor! Nicole's mission is to empower first and second generation immigrants. We partner with mental health practitioners committed to serving the Asian women community to help you find the care you deserve.
Dear Cosmos Community,
Until my early 30s, I felt like I was living a life that was expected of me.
I had been assigned a role in my family at a young age: the good one. The one who was always reliable, always did what she was told, always took care of others. Growing up, I liked this role. It gave me purpose, an identity. The more "good" I was, the more I was praised. The more I was praised, the more I wanted to follow what a "good" immigrant daughter would do.
At 32, I had achieved everything that a good immigrant daughter should. I had a house, a 6-figure salary, a Master’s degree, and all my basic needs were met. So why did I feel...empty? Why didn’t I feel thrilled to be living this life?
I was following a map that was given to me, not one that I had helped to create. This map was created by my immigrant parents, my grandparents, by the oppressive systems that continue to impact generations of my lineage. This map told me "the harder you work, the better you are" and "more achievements mean more worthiness." This map charted a path to survival, but not to a destination with fulfillment, joy, and rest.
In order to get there, I would have to create my own map, my own way. This scared the shit out of me.Couldn’t someone just tell me how to get to where I want to be?This fear held me stuck until the pain of staying where I was overrode the discomfort of trying something new. And so I stepped beyond the map. I learned how to find security and worthiness within myself, rather than external achievements and validation.
Living Bravely Exploration is the culmination of all the things that helped me on my journey to create a life that is mine. Guidance that takes our Asian identity into account, a community of other WOC that truly understand you, and supportive coaches that hold space without judgment. To be honest, it’s what I wish I had when I felt lost. I hope it helps you chart your map, your way.
Nicole (@nicolecruzcoaching)
You can enroll in Living Bravely Exploration untilSept 30th. Sliding scale pricing available!
Culture Corner
This week we ask: What do we do with our visibility? Will it ever be enough?
Credit: Mike Coppola/Getty Images
You are AOC, one of the most visible progressive representatives of our time. You attend The Met Gala, and Vogue documents you in its highly watched "[insert celebrity] Gets Ready for the Met" video series. Confession: I have watched the whole series for absolutely no reason!
AOC knew the moment she accepted the invite that her attendance would be controversial. How do you stand for workers' rights but show up at a $35,000/ticket event that exemplifies opulence? Well, if you're AOC, you step right into it with a "Tax the Rich" gown by black designer Aurora James. What I would give to hear how the Met Gala rich reacted!
In the days that followed, AOC posted on her Instagram stories about impact -- the rise in searches of "Tax the Rich", the awareness for her platform. She answered AMAs, at length, about the policing of her body since she emerged on the political scene. She called The Met a people's institution, as it's pay what you can to enter (I once paid $5 and then berated myself for paying too much). Meanwhile the conservatives had a predictable field day -- the designer is a privileged black women, what a waste of constituent dollars -- and places like The New Yorker released their more-evenly-measured-but-still somewhat-biased thought pieces.
Does it matter that Aurora James is dating a billionaire? That AOC tried super hard (maybe too hard) to make it seem like she was also working for the people on the day of the Met Gala? That no one at the Met was down for more taxes?
No matter what side you're on, all can agree: it was a masterful act of visibility.
via Vogue
You are Quannah Chasinghorse. You walk your first New York Fashion Week and attend your first Met Gala, all in the same week Vogue names you a "rising model" on a "thrilling ascent".
It's unsettling that I needed Vogue to discover Quannah Chasinghorse. I am wary that there are many more Native folks remain invisible without the blessing of mainstream media. I am both resentful and grateful of Vogue. Why now to give Quannah visibility, when she has long lobbied against oil leasing to protect her native Alaskan land? It's easy for me to cast a suspicious gaze on mainstream media, imagining a dark room where Some White Executives decide who to make visible, when. But perhaps it is us readers who have not been ready?
via Netflix
You are a director of three tiny budget films in Oklahoma. You have been told repeatedly that "Native films don't make money". You are close to quitting the industry. But you keep going.
Sterlin Harjo never compromised on his vision to show Native life without succumbing to tropes and stereotypes, and that's how he made Reservation Dogs (streaming on Hulu). It reminds me of the ethos behind Insecure -- no explaining, no educating, no posturing. Just dropping the audience into a world and story that is deeply human and honestly felt.
I'm thrilled at all the positive reviews of the show, but again, left wondering why Sterlin had to struggle for years to get Reservation Dogs made. How can the visibility of Insecure and Reservation Dogs make this type of storytelling the norm? I don't know, but maybe if someone forwards this newsletter to the execs at every production studio!
via The Cut
You are Michaela Coel, the first Black woman to win an Emmy for limited series writing. You are a survivor of sexual assault. You have been pushed and prodded and denied the rights to your own work. You are given a few short moments to express the meaning of your art.
You are as honest in your visibility as you hope to be in your art. You speak to the people you know are looking to your visibility as hope.
"Write the tale that scares you, that makes you feel uncertain, that isn’t comfortable," she said. "I dare you … Visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success. Do not be afraid to disappear—from it, from us—for a while, and see what comes to you in the silence."